Office Scouting Report
Kyle: Happy hump day, Keys fans (woo woo!). Hope everyone is having a great week so far. We certainly are here at the Keys office. It’s hard not to when you work with such a great staff. Now, I’ve already introduced myself, but I’m not the only new member of the Keys family. Geoff details a full description of each one here.
Every Tuesday and Thursday, some of us go to the gym and play some basketball, so I’ve provided my own personal scouting report the newcomers who have played while Geoff will give you insight into the veterans.
I don’t want to say Kevin Hernandez is a 1-dimensional offensive player, because he’s not. But when he’s going up against a few guys that are 6’3” or taller, you don’t see him underneath the basket too often. He can dish the rock, and plays with a lot of passion. Typically, when he hits his first 3-pointer, he hits 4 or 5 in a row, so look out when he gets hot from beyond the arc. Injury report: He’s day-to-day with a knee injury, but we should expect him back on the court soon. Here’s how it happened:
That brings us to Brandon “The Professor” Kline. Okay, so that’s a bit of a stretch. However, Brandon is a huge fan of the sneaky passes. He’ll go behind the back, no look, through the legs — pretty much think of a way to not pass the ball normally, he’ll do it. He’s quick, so I usually try not to guard him to save myself the embarrassment. He’s been trying to bring back the high kiss off the glass, and it works about 50% of the time. He also got hit in the face with the ball by Ben Sealy on the first day he was playing and got a bloody nose.
Brandon and Ben Underwood seem to have some sort of box office connection, because they always seem to find each other. We don’t have official statistics, but I think he’s probably leading the office in offensive rebounds and second chance points. He rarely loses control of the ball, and I think it’s because all the Guitar Hero he plays helps with his hand strength. Jammed his finger yesterday morning, though, so we’ll see how that affects him going forward (both on the court and on the virtual stage).
Vernon brings a lot of passion, and really found his touch on his shot last week. He’ll get in there to get the rebounds, and brings excellent size to the post.
Being the tallest guy in the office, I typically find myself trying to post someone up more often than not. Occasionally, however, I’ll find myself on the perimeter, miss the shot, and ask myself why I ever shoot from outside.
Now I’ll turn the mic over to Geoff for the veteran scouting report. Geoff doesn’t play because he says his game looks something like this (I’ll let you decide which player he is):
Geoff: Thanks for the insights Hubie Brown. You should write a book next time.
We’ll start with Ben Sealy. Stretch 4. And a matchup nightmare. He might as well have been born in Croatia or Serbia because he plays Euro style. Strong driver with a decent 3pt shot. When he puts it on the floor, I leave the lane. Let the Sealy Slammer get down the runway.
Matt Miller is a pass-first guard. Way more athletic than his portly build lets on. His stamina is also way better than you’d think, though that might be the portable oxygen mask he keeps at his desk and puts on 30 minutes before tip-off. He demands he needs it, even though the chants of Darth Vader get him testy.
DeForest Garcia is a shoot first point guard. Yes you read that correctly. Unfortunately the air balls are bountiful as “junior” spends his evenings shooting on a kids hoop from Fischer Price. At least he can go all Daryl Dawkins when misses from “deep” go astray. Show us the good stuff Chocolate Thunder.
Matt Studabaker is a small forward who is just small. His assistance on the glass ends with a good box out (which in most jurisdictions would be a foul but nobody carries whistles). On the perimeter, the serial gamer is great at NBA2K but in real life is shooting south of 25%. Want to double on the ball? Leave Study and let him shoot.
Dave Z. The Keys GM and resident hoops expert. As a former coach on the hardwood, he likes to pick apart defenses like Kobiyashi does hot dog buns. Undersized post with surprising quickness and physicality. And the X Factor is the passion to win. Lose as a member of the bosses team and you could be running suicides.
And did we mention I’m terrible? I’ll establish that yet again so anyone who just got a taste of hatorade won’t go all Malice at the Palace on me.
We’ll let the nice guy wrap this up.
January 25th fun facts:
Kyle: On this day in 1974, former owner of McDonald’s Ray Kroc bought the San Diego Padres. Can’t imagine what the pre and post game meals were…
Also on this day in 1989, “The Boss” George Steinbrenner met with Pope John Paul II. He hired and fired him 3 times that day.
Other announcements:
REMINDER! Our final Fan Fest Friday is in 2 days! It’s your last chance to win FREE tickets to Orioles FanFest this Saturday. Check in on our social media pages to see what we have in store for you.
Another Jan. 25th fun fact: On this day in 1881, Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Edison formed the Oriental Telephone Company. Then, in 1915, Bell called Thomas Watson while bell was in NY and Watson was in San Francisco. Use this invention to call our group sales department at 301–815–9900 for ticket plans for the upcoming season. (What a segway, right?) Sponsorship opportunities are still available as well. Call 301–815–9910.
Our job fair is February 7 and 8. If you want to work for the Keys, come check it out!
That’s all we’ve got for Wednesday! Take care, Keys fans.
Shake ‘em!
